Are you dreaming of marriage but haven’t yet found the right person? Have you been receiving proposals but find yourself turning them down, holding out for “The one.”?
It’s natural to want the best in a spouse, but if you’re expecting perfection, It’s time to take a step back and reflect before moving forward on your journey to marriage.
1. Let Go of Perfection in This World
If you’re expecting a perfect partner, it’s important to understand that this world, or Dunya, is not meant for perfection. This doesn’t mean that you won’t find a partner with qualities that align with your values and aspirations.
Rather, it’s a reminder that the ultimate, flawless version of your spouse is something promised in Jannah (paradise). In the eternal abode, we believe that we will be reunited with perfect versions of our spouses, as a reward from Allah.
But in this life, the focus should be on finding someone whose imperfections you can accept, whose qualities resonate deeply with your soul, and whose presence brings you peace.
For additional insights, read Choosing the Right Spouse in Islam.
2. Seeking Peace in a Partner
As Muslims, we are reminded in the Qur’an that marriage is a source of Sakinah—tranquility and peace. Allah says in the Quran, “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy” (Quran 30:21).
This verse emphasizes that the purpose of marriage is to find peace and comfort. While you might have a list of ideal traits or attributes you desire in a spouse, it’s important to prioritize what brings peace to your heart.
Instead of fixating on perfection, seek out qualities and behaviors in a potential partner that bring you this sense of serenity. Traits like kindness, respect, patience, and a shared understanding of faith can contribute to that sense of calm and balance.
Let these be your guiding criteria, while the rest—such as lifestyle preferences, hobbies, or even physical attributes —those “nice-to-haves”—lower on your list as negotiables.
3. Reflect on Your Own Readiness
Before you expect certain qualities from your future spouse, take time to reflect on yourself. Ask yourself two important questions:
- What qualities do I possess that would make me a desirable spouse?
- What are my shortcomings that might make someone hesitant to marry me?
By answering these, you gain self-awareness and better understand how to approach a potential partner with authenticity and humility. It also helps to filter through proposals based on what truly brings you peace, rather than superficial expectations.
Remember, no one is without flaws; it’s about finding someone whose flaws you can accept while they complement your strengths.
4. Marriage is Not a Fairytale
Marriage is not always a walk in the park. It’s a journey of companionship, understanding, and growth, filled with moments of both joy and challenge.
From the Islamic perspective, the bond between husband and wife is unique; it was the first relationship Allah created, and it will be the last as well. You will not enter Jannah with your parents, siblings, or children—your companion will be your spouse.
Marriage is half of your Deen (faith), and because of its importance, Shaytan (Satan) will strive to create obstacles. As such, it won’t always be easy, and it won’t be a fairytale romance all the time. It’s a partnership that requires dedication and mutual respect.
5. Focus on Becoming the Best Version of Yourself
Instead of searching for a perfect partner, work on becoming the best version of yourself. As mentioned in Surah Noor, “Good men are for good women, and good women are for good men” (Quran 24:26).
This does not imply that a specific character flaw or virtue in you will be mirrored exactly in your spouse like – if you are honest, your spouse will have the same exact quality of honesty.
Rather, it signifies that your qualities—good or bad—are balanced and complement each other in the eyes of Allah when matched with those of your partner.
6. Leave Rest in The Hands of Allah
Ultimately, it’s crucial to reflect on yourself before expecting greatness from someone else. Develop qualities that align with your values, and to cultivate patience, kindness, and resilience.
Take time to improve your character, increase your piety, and deepen your relationship with Allah. Discover 8 Powerful Ways to Get Closer to Allah to support your journey.
When you focus on improving yourself, you create space for Allah to bring the right person into your life, the one who complements your journey and helps you become closer to Him.
And finally,
Don’t make it difficult for your future spouse to find you.
Be open, keep your heart sincere, and pray for wisdom. Ask Allah to make this process easy and to guide you toward the person who is written for you.
Marriage is a journey, and it’s a journey worth embarking on with the right mindset. Don’t chase perfection—chase peace. Pray, reflect, and allow Allah to do the rest. He knows what is best for you and will send you the spouse you deserve at the right time.
Do you relate to the journey of finding the right partner? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments below!
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